Eman Sakina

Is your temper hijacking your life? Let’s understand what anger is all about, how it impacts our lives and how we can manage it. Anger is a healthy common feeling that can neither be good nor negative. It signals to you that a situation is distressing, unfair, or dangerous, just like any other emotion. So, even though it's quite acceptable to feel furious after being treated unfairly or harmed, anger becomes an issue when it's expressed in a way that endangers you or other people. Uncontrolled and frequent outbursts of anger will affect your health and your relationships with others. 

Anger management is a term used to describe the skills you need to recognize that you, or someone else, is becoming angry, and then take appropriate action to deal with the situation in a positive way. It does not mean internalizing or suppressing anger, but recognizing the triggers and signs of anger, and finding other, more appropriate ways to express our feelings.

Anger management, therefore, is about learning to control your anger. This does not mean suppressing or internalizing it, which can be as damaging as frequent outbursts. Instead, it is about understanding why you are angry and learning to manage your emotions. It is, therefore, an important element of self-control. We all get angry at times, even people who are very good-tempered. It is actually good to be angry sometimes: for example, at injustice, or when someone’s rights are infringed. It is, therefore, a necessary part of life.

The key to anger is to learn to manage it, like any other emotion, so that it can be channeled into appropriate action.

Anger management skills will help you to understand what is behind your anger, and then express it in a healthier way. This will allow you to communicate your message more clearly.

• Many people use anger as a way to cover up other emotions, such as fear, vulnerability, or embarrassment.
• This is particularly true for people who were not encouraged to express their emotions as children, but it can apply to anyone. When you start to feel angry, look behind your anger to see if you can identify what you are really feeling. Once you name the feeling, you will find it easier to express it more appropriately.
• Triggers are often very personal, but there are a number of general themes that can help you to identify them. The signs of anger are often easier to recognize. For example, people often say that their heartbeat increases when they are angry because anger is linked to the adrenaline (fight or flight) response. You may also find that your breathing speeds up, for the same reason.
• When you start to feel tense and angry, try to isolate yourself for 15 minutes and concentrate on relaxing and calm, steady breathing.
• When you are angry, you tend to tense up. Slowly stretching out can help you relax a little.
• There are times when anger is appropriate. However, exploding is not. You need to find a healthy way to express your anger calmly so that your message is heard.
  
• If you are worried about having a conversation that may leave you feeling angry then try to take control of the situation.  Make notes beforehand, planning what you want to say in a calm and assertive way. You are less likely to get side-tracked during your conversation if you can refer to your notes.
• Rather than dwell on what has made you angry, try focusing on how to resolve problems so that they do not arise again in the future.
• Wait until you have calmed down from your anger and then express yourself in a calm and collected way. You need to be assertive without being aggressive.
• We all need to accept that everybody is different and that we cannot control the feelings, beliefs, or behaviors of others.
• Instead of focusing on the immediate issue, focus on the relationship. This is more important than who is ‘right’.
• Try to be realistic and accept that people are the way they are, not how we would like them to be.  Being resentful or holding a grudge against somebody will increase your anger and make it more difficult to control. You cannot change how other people behave or think but you can change how you deal with others.

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