Eman Sakina

The relationship between a husband-wife is unlike any other. The Qur’an speaks beautifully about the bond between husband and wife. Upon reflection of these verses, we can recognize the purpose and beauty of marriage. Allah says: “And one of His signs is that He has created for you, spouses from among yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and He has placed between you, love and mercy. In this, there is surely evidence (of the truth) for the people who carefully think.

Goals of Marriage:

Allah has created for each of us a spouse, and He explains that one of the goals of marriage is that the husband-wife finds comfort in each other. The world is difficult for a believer, filled with trials and tribulations. Allah (SWT) made our spouses so that we can find support and comfort with them in times of difficulty. The idea of love how it happens can also be explained by this verse when Allah says, “and He has placed between you, love and mercy.” The love that can develop between husband-wife is from Allah, a sign of His existence, His love, and His mercy towards us.

The Importance of Husband-Wife Relationship:

Every word in the Qur'an was picked with care for a specific reason. The relationship between husband and wife is described by Allah  as, “They (your wives) are clothing (covering) for you, and you too are a clothing (covering) for them” (Surah 2, Verse187).

Allah uses the term "clothing/covering" in this verse. The use of this word reflects the bond between husband and wife. Clothing or coverings serve to protect you, keep you warm, and so on. This is the type of relationship that a husband and wife must-have. It ought to be a partnership in which both parties are safeguarded, both emotionally and physically. 

The husband and the wife must be grateful for the love they have received. The Qur'an elegantly depicts the husband-wife relationship in this way. Marriage must be based on mutual love and respect. The husband and wife must travel together through the challenges of life to arrive at the ultimate destination of Jannah. Both must console and support one other during their journey, as well as express appreciation to Allah for the affection He has bestowed upon them. The husband-wife must be among those who supplicate, “Our Lord! Grant us from our wives and our descendants’ coolness of the eyes and make us an example for the people of piety.” (25:74).

The current scenario:

Rather than being partners, many Muslim spouses and wives consider one other as adversaries. The spouse believes he is in charge, and whatever he says is followed. The wife believes she must extract as much as she can from her spouse. To deceive their husbands into doing and buying more, some wives never show their husbands that they are content with whatever he does or buys for them. If he does not provide them with the lifestyle that their friends and families have, they make him feel like a failure. Some husbands mistreat their spouses by speaking brutally to them, humiliating them, and even physically abusing them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in the family. It's a pity that Allah's excellent connection has become a source of strife, deception, trickery, oppression, humiliation, and abuse. Marriage isn't supposed to be like this. 

Many of us treat our spouses in ways that we would never treat others. With others, we try to be polite, kind, and patient. With our spouses, we often do not show these courtesies. Of course, we are usually with our spouses at our worst times --- when we are tired and frustrated after a hard day. After a bad day at the office, husbands usually come home angry and on edge. The wife has probably also had a hard day with the children and the housework. Wives and husbands should discuss this potential time bomb so that if they are short-tempered with each other during these times, they will understand the reasons rather than automatically thinking that their spouse no longer loves them. A husband or a wife, irrespective of who is working or not, should never forget the good behavior with each other, even after the whole tiring or frustrating day.

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Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Following these principles should help any marriage to improve. The essence of them all can be summed up in one sentence: Always treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. If you follow this rule, your marriage will have a much greater chance of success. If you discard this rule, failure is just around the corner. This is how to treat your wife in Islam.  

Although you were all alone a while ago, and now comes who shares life with you, and although you used to think for yourself before, now you are thinking for yourself and others. So take charge of the matters and be sure to be steadfast with the divine teachings of Allah and the acts of His blessed Messenger.