Ashhar Alam

Casual conversations about relationships often emerge in light-hearted settings, but they can strike a chord with experiences many people quietly relate to. A recent promo from The Great Kapil Show sparked such a moment, what began as playful banter soon opened up a wider discussion on emotional boundaries, honesty, and unresolved ties from past relationships.

Actors Kartik Aaryan and Ananya Panday appeared on the show to promote their upcoming film, exchanging jokes with host Kapil Sharma. Setting the mood, Kapil quipped, “We may wish each other Happy New Year, but real happiness is for someone like Kartik. Every new film comes with a new heroine.” The humour continued when Kapil introduced a game where the actors had to label relationship scenarios as either a “red flag” or a “green flag”.

One prompt resonated strongly with modern dating realities: calling an ex while being in a relationship. Ananya Panday instantly raised her red flag, her reaction speaking volumes. Kartik, on the other hand, responded honestly, saying, “I do it sometimes. You must also do it sometimes.” Ananya smiled and nodded but kept her red flag firmly raised.

Though the exchange was framed humorously, it highlighted a situation many people face, staying connected with former partners even after moving on.

But why do some individuals feel compelled to remain in touch with ex-partners after entering new relationships?

Psychologist and Mandhyan Care founder Dr Sakshi Mandhyan explains in an interview that this pattern is more common than people realise. “For many, staying in contact with an ex is not necessarily romantic. It is often about emotional familiarity. The brain becomes accustomed to certain attachment patterns, and fully letting go can feel uncomfortable,” she says.

From an attachment perspective, Dr Mandhyan notes that such behaviour may indicate unresolved or anxious attachment. “An ex can symbolise comfort, validation, or a sense of being deeply understood. Reaching out may temporarily ease feelings of loneliness or self-doubt.” She adds that some people move on outwardly, but emotionally, the bond remains unfinished.

So when does occasional contact cross the line and become a red flag?

“I don’t consider contact with an ex problematic by default,” Dr Mandhyan explains. “It becomes concerning when it begins to affect emotional safety.” Hidden communication, frequent interaction, or emotionally intense exchanges are key warning signs. Transparency, she stresses, is crucial.

From a psychological standpoint, boundaries are essential for maintaining secure attachment. “When communication with an ex leads to secrecy, comparisons, or defensiveness, it often points to unresolved emotional attachment. Intent also matters. Is the person seeking reassurance, excitement, or emotional support that should ideally come from their current partner?” she says. “The red flag isn’t the call itself, but the emotional dependence behind it.”

On communicating boundaries around past relationships, Dr Mandhyan emphasises openness and timing. “I encourage couples to discuss past relationships early, without blame or accusation. Waiting until resentment builds only makes the conversation more difficult. Tone matters more than words, curiosity reduces defensiveness, while blame triggers it.”

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In therapy, she focuses on helping individuals express emotions rather than control behaviour. “Healthy boundaries are mutual agreements, not restrictions. They exist to protect trust. When communication is transparent, it helps the nervous system feel safe and settled.”